Sad

Despite trying very hard to pretend everything is okay, even if just for a little while until the tests at Sheffield, I am finding it increasingly difficult not to feel incredibly sad and to cry at the slightest thing. Today I cried while having my eyebrows waxed by wonderful wonderful Lizzie, and luckily I had a perfect excuse - the waxing had made my eyes water. James and I, and Samuel - we love Lewis so so so so much and it is the hardest thing in our entire lives to know that there is nothing we can do to make his life better, to make him walk, talk, eat like other children his age. While I was just uploading some photos from the camera on to the computer I found some old photos from our holiday in France in 2005. To say I was heartbroken is an understatement - photos of Lewis walking, running along the beach, kicking a ball, digging in the sand and making sand castles. It is (insert swear word here) devestating. Lewis is the happiest, smiliest, sweetest natured little boy you could EVER wish to meet, everybody who meets him absolutely adores him - he steals hearts every day. And for all the happiness he brings us, and others - we cant give him his abilities back. Nobody can. Today he had a lovely walk around the lake with Jayne (Homecare) while I went to visit Karen and Craig and Heather. Then we went to Lizzie's (for my waxing) and then we came home to a full house - Samuel off school because he hurt his leg and wrist running yesterday round the lake, Steve in the kitchen gutting fish and preparing them for dinner tonight and Janette (physio) came to measure Lew up properly in his Monkey Stander. Olya and Illya popped in too and then we walked round the lake to collect Natasha from nursery and Lew was able to visit his old friends at Building Blocks. I had a quick word with Tina (who runs the nursery) and as Lewis is now 3 years old and gets funding, we are going to see about Lewis going for a couple of hours a week to catch up with his buddies. This evening we all had tea together - Steve and Van, Nicky and Jay, Samuel, Miss Jodie (who came after nursery), James and I. Lew watched Cbeebies on the sofa. We had the fish!!! I must say it was delicous! We had to save the tails for Olya - apparently it is a Ukranian tradition that the tails of the fish were given to young ladies to give them luck with meeting young men!!! After tea, we put Lew to bed and Steve and Van went home to put Nicky and Jay to bed and then Van and I had a brisk walk to the polling station - I hope you all did your votes!

Thank you so much to Van, Steve, Nicky and Jay for the lovely Guardian Angel for Lewis - we will treasure it. And thank you to Renu for suggesting it xxxx

Thank you Katie Plant for Lewis lovely stickers and fab Postman Pat DVD - he enjoyed watching it this morning and he loved looking at the stickers. Thank you also for the card you send him every week - we put them up in the playroom to make it bright and interesting xx

Well, we hope you enjoy the photographs. Please do remember, dont take your children for granted. And remember to love every minute of them - they are so precious.